Be Sweet to Yourself

In our last post, we discussed where our tagline came from and we discussed on a surface level what a phrase like that means. And truth be told, it’s a lot of different things. Initially, when we came up with it, we thought of it as a means to treat oneself with a spray tan. Because that’s what a spray tan should be. It’s a way of showing yourself some love with something that’s supposed to boost your confidence and having the added benefit of giving your skin some vitamin-rich solution. 

But as we carried on with our business, we came to realize that “Be Sweet to Yourself” was beginning to mean something more. As we saw more clients, we would often get what we like to call “disclaimers” before the appointment even began. It started with mobile appointments, when we would go to our clients’ homes, set up a tent and spray them in their own setting. (By the way, while most clients prefer to come into the salon now, we still offer this service as an ode to the clients that helped us get started.) The apologies often begin before we ever enter the home.

“Sorry for the dog.”

“Excuse our mess.”

“I hope it’s okay the kids are home.”

Then it would always progress as it became time to do the tan:

“Sorry about my rolls.” 

“Sorry about my stretch marks.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to get a Brazilian.” 

“Please forgive my saggy boobs.” 

“I’m so embarrassed, please don’t look at me.” 

Some of the things that women openly said about their own bodies frankly shocked us. When discussing this, Regan shared her own experience growing up as a plus-sized woman essentially her entire life. She was no stranger to disparaging self-criticism. But she was fortunate enough that in her teen years, the “body positivity” and “body neutrality” movements were picking up steam. She also had mentors in her life that emphasized the importance of positive self-talk. Scriptures of, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” and, “Life and death is in the power of the tongue” were commonly used around her. And she had the unique experience of internalizing those principles while also being indoctrinated into hating her own body. 

With that being said, she knew she had these negative feelings about her own appearance. But she also knew that for her life to even be somewhat bearable, she had to figure out a way to love herself. She recalled being fourteen years old, riding in the car on the way home from school – thinking that self love and internalized kindness was the only way out. It wasn’t perfect and she certainly had to correct herself at times, but she shared that it was – and still is – a constant endeavor. 

Never did we think that this personal, teenage revelation of one of our founders would become relevant in our career. But through talking to these women with their apologies, disclaimers, and outright self-cruelty – we realized that these lessons needed to be shared to the women in our community. 

So when a client comes in and begins to criticize themselves we make an endeavor to shift the focus. We either compliment them, change the subject entirely, or we make the brave move to address their comment head on. 

You never realize what kind of power the phrase, “It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself,” has. 

Because it’s true for every Western woman. We are all conditioned to be in a constant state of self-critique, beginning at a very young age. We brutalize ourselves to meet a standard that was not achievable by design. 

It’s one of the reasons why we emphasize the importance of making our space – whether it’s in a salon or in a tent – a “judgment free zone.” Nine times out of ten, in mobile appointments, we are coming to a house that has been preparing for a wedding or a vacation, or the home of a mom of young children, or a woman recovering from a death in the family – all valid reasons for why their homes are not the equivalent of a Southern Living magazine cover – and we make a concerted effort to not cast the first stone of condemnation against them. Because who among us keeps a perfectly tidy space at all hours of the day, all days of the week? 

Rachel implemented a policy amongst our team – the “Be Sweet to Yourself Initiative.” Every self-deprecating statement must be immediately followed by two positive statements about oneself. It’s fun to watch our staff members hold each other accountable. It’s even more fun to watch the demeanor of said employee completely change upon being forced to acknowledge their own lovable qualities. 

And so, with this post, I would like to recruit you to be part of our initiative. I want to challenge you to keep in mind the things you say to yourself, good or bad. And for every bad thing, I want you to counteract it with two good things about yourself – out loud and proud. Your brain is wired and conditioned to find evidence for the things you verbally say. The more you speak love and sweetness toward yourself, the more your brain will find proof of those qualities. Give your mind something sweet to meditate on. And what’s sweeter than you?